SHE'S BACK

I am really sick of Miss Fairy. I know she is there. I can feel her evil snicker. That and Little K is drooling and chewing on everything. toys, furniture, me, Punks, the dog. oh and the fever. We have gone through so much Tylenol I am considering buying stock.  Don't judge.  I don't ordinarily drug my kids (usually I drug myself), but drastic times...

Yesterday, Little K and Punk's were playing with the disney princess dolls.  Punk's foot dangling over the side of the chair.  Little K must have thought it looked appealing and decided maybe Punk's big toe could be used instead of the teething ring in her hand. So, she crawled over and bit down. with her 2 teeth. Screams of pain at ear deafening decibels shot out of Punk's mouth. jumping around on one foot. arms flying in all directions. completed with the dramatic drop to the floor in exhaustion. You would have thought Little K chomped the toe right off.  After, a solid hour of whining, three very wet washcloths to wipe away the pain and a pack of princess bandaids, we somehow we managed to save the toe. It was a close one, but she still has all 5 on each foot.

later, Punks tells Little K, "no problem, my toe okay now" 

whew. we are all so glad.   

What seemed like an eternity after that, it was bedtime. I battled Punks about brushing her teeth before bed. Does it ever end? I am quickly growing weary of your games Miss Fairy. 

I tell her ONE story and then bed. she plucked Go the F*^K to Sleep out from under the coffee table. okayyy. appropriate. good choice Punks. 

If only she had listened to my words....
"it is time to sleep my little princess"
..... now, go the F^*K to sleep!
~SOS~

COMB-OVER

I really have nothing to say about this except my 3 month old's bald spot is some of the softest skin I have ever touched. I feel bad for her that there is not enough hair to do a comb-over, but she doesn't seem to mind. and yes, that is a birth mark...

SHOO TOOTH FAIRY

The tooth fairy is one crazy bitch in my opinion. She has two personalities and one of them is straight up mean witch.  Maybe she was an outcast in fairy school. Maybe the other fairies are mean to her and don't invite her to tea. Whatever the reason, she needs therapy.

Yes, she brings treats to little gummied children as they lay sleeping in their bed. The only time, aside from Christmas Eve that children will go to sleep willingly.  For this, she gets a few points. Ohhh, the excitement of loosing a tooth. Children can hardly stand the waiting, with all the anticipation of what the good fairy will bring them.

However, when the mood strikes Miss Fairy, she turns ugly and you never even see it coming. I wish I knew what provoked her. Maybe I could bribe her with more teeth or some chocolate chip cookies. something. whatever she wants.

This morning the wicked fairy thought it funny to hit up Little K while she was nursing. All of the sudden Little K clamped down hard and started teething on me! YIKES  as I attempt to rip myself from her jaws. Little K just looked up at me like, "whats wrong, mama?" I could feel the snicker of the evil fairy.  Show your face fairy. I've got something for you.  A few hours later, she struck again. Little K was drooling and crying with a nice fever to accompany the pain in her tiny gums. Seriously Miss Fairy, just tell me what you want. A new dress? what? anything can be negotiated.

Nope, Miss Fairy is not a nice fairy. She gets her mean on when children are small only to redeem herself years later by bringing them treats in exchange for their little teeth. Which raises the age old question: what does she do with all those teeth? Everyone is happy. for a few years.  You almost forget about her.  maybe that is the problem? Then, wham. She shows up again with no warning wearing her evil grin. Coming out of nowhere trying to cram some more teeth in your already filled up mouth.  Calling them 'wisdom teeth'. Funny fairy. very freakin' funny fairy. hilarious.

Someone please hire a hit man fairy and let's take this bitch out.

~SOS~

FALL TO YOUR KNEES

I haven't said much in a while probably because I am still reeling at the shock of baby girl #2. We don't really have a pet name for her yet. My husband calls her "deuce" but this is not going to stick because of obvious reasons that I will not explain. When I was pregnant with both girls he had the name Leonitius picked out for a boy.  I'm 90% sure he was serious. Only a man would come up with names like that for their child. Perhaps if she were a boy I would let "deuce" slide. However, I would never agree to Leonitius.  Anyhooo, I am still trying to figure out why it feels like I have five children now instead of just two? Having one was fantastic, but throw another into the mix and all I do is change diapers and chase punks while #2 is a permanent fixture emerging from my boob. My brain is not even functioning at half capacity due to the fact I can't string together more than two hours of sleep at a time and if I am lucky a whopping five total for the night. It seems eating, showering (at least before noon) and sleeping is a thing of the past, at least for now. I have not one, but two shadows. I often find myself wondering about people who have more than two children... do they know how children are made or are they just straight up crazy?

This morning as my boob extension is latched on uncomfortably tight, I ask my hubby to please change punks dirty diaper and he says, wait for it... "not what I had in mind first thing in the morning, that is your job" I think I even saw some chest pumping as he was exiting the room.

Now, hold up. I will say I am happy we both agree I am the best candidate to raise our children. It is the most rewarding 24 hour-a-day, 365 days-a-year, non-stop, no-lunch-break or football-Sunday-time JOB on the planet, but I do not always appreciate my hubby's caveman like thinking. Still let us lay this out...

My hubby is a sports agent and so he jets all over the world representing his MMA fighters. He just came back from Germany and is set for Australia in late February. (I am going to Australia, *smile*) There will also be some trips in between to Canada and who knows where else. So, I am in all aspects of the word, a single mom a lot of the time. He negotiates big contracts and rubs elbows with the whos who in the fighting world because, well he manages some of the top fighters. However, when I escape to yoga when he is here, my only escape alone ... I get home and he always has a bewildered look on his face and is generally mumbling something about punks being the tasmanian devil and #2 being high maintenance. #2 is six weeks old. A few of his mumbles as the house is always in shambles: "Honey, you cant get anything done when you have the girls!" & "Please take #2, I have to go to the bathroom!" you held your pee for 2 hours?! The best was when #2 projectile pooped on him while he was changing her and although funny, the joke was on me in the end because I was the one cleaning it up when I got home. So, the short of it is, my hubby can run with the big boys, but two tiny girls bring him to his knees. Good job girls. 

I love staying home with my girls. #2 sleeps in the bed with us much to hubby's disapproval. Last night he really pushed me to put her in her own bed even when I told him it wouldn't work.  Of course it didn't and as soon as I set her down she was wide awake. I went downstairs to show hubby his plan didn't work and he was snoring on the couch. awesome. I banged around a bit and made some noise in an effort to rise him and he snored right through it all. He must have been tired. Imagine that. Meanwhile it took me three hours to get her back to sleep. last time I listen to him.

It would be nice to have a little more help from hubby... especially when both girls are crying, but I wouldn't trade my JOB for the world. I sometimes wish I could take a nap, but Bikram keeps saying in class that the Ardha-Kurmasana yoga pose has more benefits than eight hours of sleep. I think I will go do that pose now. I'm tired.

Signing off for now,
SOS

NEWBORN BABIES ARE NOT AS CUTE AS THEY APPEAR.

The arrival of #2.