Love, Beth

Wow. It has been a while to say the least. Where did the time go? Oh, wait. As of a few weeks ago, time has completely stopped. Somehow tho, the sun keeps coming up. How does that happen? I try not to cry, but sometimes the tears just fall. People are afraid to ask if I am okay because the obvious answer is no. NO. NO. Definitely NOT OKAY. Today a sweet friend sent me a poem and another one brought dinner and many good friends send love on a daily basis, but something was different today. I felt my mom stronger today than I have since that day at the burial when she sent fire ants to eat my ankles because I refused to sit on the front row and stare at her pine box while our family pastor told me I would heal. Eventually.

Mom is talking loud ... and Daddy she misses you so deeply....

Love, Beth

I stand by your bed at night, I'm sorry that you weep
I speak to you softly, "I'm here, I haven't left you. I'm in your heart to keep"

I'm close to you in the mornings, in the stillness of the dawn
We sit together as we always have, I assure I'm not gone

I am with you at my grave, you tend it with such care
I want to reassure you I'm sitting next to you, not lying under there

You are so tired in your days, everything seems so hard
It deeply saddens me that you are forever scarred

But, please grieve me and then dry your eyes
I will always be near you, just as the sun is set to rise

Please remember that I am with you everyday
I can say to you with certainty, "I never went away"

And when the time is right for you to cross over to the other side
I will rush to you and meet you and for eternity we'll be tied

Heaven is for real, so much for you to see
But, for now be patient, live your journey, then come home and be with me

Rest in peace my beautiful mommy. You are so very missed...
~SOS~

CALLING MR DUCK

Never take your eyes off of a 2 year old.  Punks can get into trouble in less than five seconds if she thinks nobody is looking. A few weeks ago I caught her drawing on the dog with pink highlighter. "Please don't draw on the dog" The Master Bedroom wall. "Punks! Don't draw on walls!" Then it was the chair in the playroom. "paper, paper paper! we draw on paper!" So, yesterday she draws on paper AND herself. This time with permanent marker.

why do small children like to draw on everything?

My little sister used to do that too. We had pretty scribbles all over the house.  On the walls. On the backs of doors. on tables, chairs.  She drew a flower and a heart on our wallpaper in the bathroom one day.  My mother was so mad. Yeah, so mad she didn't change the wall paper until this year.

so, how do you remove permanent marker?
wait it out?
a few friends made some suggestions
my favorite was to color it in like a tattoo
she could match her daddy

while I am thinking on this one, I tell her lets go outside for a few minutes
she grabs her sunglasses and her phone
wonder where she learned that...

"mama, I ha ha call duck"
she is calling duck?
"Punks, are you calling duck on the phone?"
"MAMA, ssshhhhhhhhh, I ha ha call duck!!"
"hi duck. come wi wi me in wimming pool"
"honey, ducks can't swim in swimming pools. they swim in lakes"
"MAMA, shhhhhhhh I talking to duck!!"
she shoots me an exasperated look

okay............

and...

If your wondering about the cute tank, you can find her on facebook, "Kara Made It"
All clothing is made with lots of love and apparently lots of sass

~SOS~

CRAT

A friend of mine was talking about Oprah the other day at the park. Apparently Oprah was quizzing Chris Rock about what grade he would get as a parent. It got me thinking... how would my kids grade me?

Here is what I came up with...

Love: A++

I honestly didn't know I was capable of feeling the type of love I have for my babies. It is the most incredible kind of love.

Worry: A++
For someone who used to get 8 hours of sleep EVERY night, I don't know how I even function. Between them waking me up for whatever reason and me tip toeing in every few hours to make sure they are still breathing, I hardly sleep at all.  It is no wonder I can't connect my thoughts, I lose everything and do lame brained things like find my keys in the microwave. I would typically blame something like this on Punks except she can't reach the microwave. huh.

FUN: A+
Although it is not all fun and games we do have a good time.  Mommy wears potty seats as hats, we feed ducks, swim, go to the park, chase the dog in the house watch him slide across the floor and fall apart in giggles, swim, play dress up, sing, dance, use beds as trampolines, you know... whatever moms do.   

Role Model: A- 
Children never listen to what you say, but they always mimic what you do. I believe I am a good role model for my kids... until something like this happens...

"MAMA MEE WANT BEBE PLEASSSS" at least we have the manners down
No, you have to many already. Play with what you have  
scream. punch. spin. spin. spin. fall down. "crat"
huh.
note to self: stop cursing  

Discipline: B

We are working on sharing. We are working on tantrums. We are working on hitting. We are working on sass mouth. We are working on launching things at little sister's head. My family used to joke that I would have my kids lined up like soldiers. Soooo didn't happen that way.

Patience: B
I think I do pretty well with this considering...
This was our morning: 
"Punks, don't throw stuff in your sister's play yard"
tosses in a microphone
sit in time out
"don't throw things in the play yard." waving the microphone at her 
tosses in a rattle.
sit in time out
"NO MAMA!"
"don't tell mama no"
sticks out her tongue 
sit in time out
breaks off a toy from the walker. tosses it in play yard
sit in time out 
did you break this? "yeah"
"don't throw things in your sister's play yard"
tosses in a bebe doll
repeat. repeat. repeat. 

...and then there is the morning ritual of getting dressed

Domestic: C-

Cook? does microwaving count? Bake? nope. Sew? nope. Iron? dry cleaners. Clean? only cause I have to.  I was invited to play Bunko the other day. I had to call my mom and ask her what the heck Bunko even was...   Can I pick up some extra credit somewhere else?

So, I am gonna give myself an overall B+.  Mathematically incorrect, but it seems to me that Love and Fun carry a heavier weight than the rest. I could do without the constant worry, but I think that comes with the package.

Is it 5:00 yet?

~SOS~

TEQUILA TUESDAY

I woke up early this morning with one goal: finish my final project for school. Turns out my kids had other ideas...

4am
wake up to hubby working on iPad
Punks wants milk
work on school project

615am
Little K wants milk
go to yoga

crazy cuban chats it up with me about doing my yoga in the morning so I can go out at night

realize the shirt I slept in that is now over my yoga top has last nights dinner and Little K spit up all over it.

7am
105* with 50% humidity.
start to sweat
crazy cuban "come on it not hot"
really start to sweat
"class is hard. it called exercise. fat belly in."
sweat pouring out of me
"what you doing? no water for you yet."
start to fling sweat when I bend over
"okay, party time. grab you water"
4 poses down, only 22 to go

830am
put on spit up shirt inside out.
run out of yoga. 
outside humidity feels like inside yoga room. awesome.
play frogger with crazy drivers of south florida
old man with really cool hat in big white caddie that cut me off->  2 points
old man swerving on two lane road while reading newspaper while driving->  -2 points

run in the door
kiss hubby goodbye
Punks in Little K's crib jumping on mattress inches from her head
Little K pooped. leaked onto mattress Punks is now jumping on.
Punks realizes this and throws herself out of crib forehead smashing my nose

1030am
work on project. write 5 words. change diaper. write half paragraph. fix food for Punks. write 9 more sentences. fix milk for Little K. repeat. repeat.

Punks draws on Little K with green pen
Little K thinks this is hilarious

wait on hold for 10 minutes to explain to AT&T why they screwed up our bill again

work on project
Little K on lap. type one handed.
Punks hanging off back choking my neck

1pm
write few more paragraphs. change diaper. few more paragraphs. fix Punks food. come back to Punks at mommy's computer with finger on delete button. -4 paragraphs. how did she even know where the delete button was?

wait on hold for 10 minutes to ask Direct TV why our receiver is out again

Little K screams
Punks is wrapping her head in a blanket

squeals.
pet duck in backyard
feed pet duck. glad he is back after dog nearly ate him for Easter brunch.

giggles.
Punks stripped Little K naked and covered her with baby butt cream
"MAMA MEEE CHANGE BEBE DIAPER!!"

nap time for both babies
shower
eat
work on project

3pm
girls awake
change diapers. snack.

Punks wants to dance.
Little K wants to be held. type paper one handed.
Punks rides dog like horse.
Punks rides mommy's leg like horse 
repeat. repeat. repeat.

squealing.
duck back again.
feed pet duck.

take computer outside 
dog chasing birds.
Punks chasing dog.
dog barking
girls squealing


baths
dinner

hubby home.
"What did my girls do today?"
where do I begin...?

doorbell. babysitter here.
my apologies the house looks like toys r us blew up.
"Punks must clean up ALL her toys before bed."

yeah right

Roccos Tacos: Taco Tuesday
 *ahem*
more like tequila Tuesday...

single goal for tomorrow? 
finish school project.
~SOS~

A TEXAS WEDDING

My sister got married to her perfect match a few weeks ago.  I was the Matron of Honor. duh.  My oldest daughter, the flower girl. again, duh.  

 

Ceremony. 

The perfect setting.  The church was where we grew up.  Attended so many Sundays with our Nana and GDaddy who were so powerfully present, watching over us, giving their blessings alongside God. I don't think I even took my eyes of K the whole time. Except to sneak a glance at Chris once or twice.

Reception.

We danced, we ate, we partied. There were friends, family and peacocks.  The band played for an extra few hours.  Just long enough for everyone to really get their P-A-R-T-Y on.  The boys did the suspender dance. The father of the groom did his break dance.  Everyone did the Texas Two Step. 

There was only one thing that didn't come out perfect. I was only able to spit out half my speech. If you know me well enough, you know I get weak in the knees talking in front of adults.  clarification: I am not an adult. I am worlds away from my parents. my parents are adults.   I can speak to my peers. I can teach math and science to a room full of teenage punks. There are many people and situations I can handle, but not speaking in front of adults.

So, K I apologize. I wrote it out in hopes I could just read it, but it didn't turn out that way. So, here it is.  The speech I intended to say with all my love.

I cant believe my little sister is getting married.  It seems like yesterday she was following me around trying on all my clothes and getting into all of my stuff.  She has gone from my annoying little sister to a beautiful young woman. I look to her and see the kind of person I want to be.  She sees the good in people. She brings out the best in you.  She makes you laugh with her silliness and sometimes complete unawareness of what is happening outside of the Kathryn bubble.  Geographically and otherwise.   Every passing year we have continued to grow closer. I help her with math. She helps me spell.  I tried to explain to her how to kiss a boy and she explains over and over to me how I can take a better picture so that I don’t look so ridiculous in front of the flash. 

She called me a few years ago about a new boy. From the very first phone call I knew he was different. There was this manager guy hanging around the nursery checking on her and the other girls who worked there to make sure they were doing their job right. He was really cute so she didn’t mind him checking in on them.  One day she was excited because he told her she was needed in the kitchen to help him cut the valentines cake. You know, she told me. He does everything. He is the operations manager or something. You know, he handles the operations of the club.  When he doesn’t have enough people in the kitchen he even helps cut cake.  Um, Kathryn I asked… Do you think it is possible he is hanging around the nursery to see you?  And I am quite certain he doesn’t have to cut cake, but perhaps he wants to cut cake with you?

After the cake cutting she and Christopher snuck around Westside for a while. Then Kathryn got her dream job teaching her beautiful Autistic children and they didn’t have to sneak anymore.  So, as Kathryn and I are downing tequila shots at Guadalahara waiting for Christopher to come meet us for their first non secret meeting her nerves were running high. .. I think we may have had a few to many shots to calm her nerves, but none the less it worked. She was being Kathryn in all of her silliness and fun.  Christopher met us, had one beer, laughed at us, picked up the tab and he and Kathryn disappeared for a few minutes.  When she met me back in the car I just looked at her… WELL?  Yep, great kisser she reported happily.

Not to long after that Christopher called me and said he was going to ask her to marry him.  The perfect match made in heaven.  Chris, I am so thrilled to have you as a brother in law and most importantly, a friend. You couldn’t be more perfect for Kathryn. She is the happiest I have ever seen her.  A little spoiled, but I suppose you know what your getting yourself into. right? Congrats to you both. I love you and I know you will live happily ever after.

 

~SOS~

MOVING ON

A screaming cry from Little K wrenched me from sleep this morning. After I tucked my heart back into my chest I checked the clock. 3:38am. awesome.

Of course Little K ate and went right back to sleep. I was wide awake so I started to pack. We have been in Texas for a few months, coming from LA and are finally headed out to Florida next week. While it has been a fabulous adventure shacking up with my parents, we must say goodbye. There are a few new claw prints in their hardwood, scribbles on the wall and stains on the couch. We even managed to take down the whole house with the flu passed on from one germy Punks. All of this to say thank you. We are a family that gives.

booties to save the hardwood

I was thrilled to get out of the city of nuts where so many strive for such perfection that they loose the sense of who they really are.  Hollywood is no role model yet everyone wants to be part of the hype. All of this while the homeless guy on the corner jumps out and scares you every time you pass by.  Don't get me wrong, it was much fun in the beginning, but once I had kids, I realized just how shallow the pool really was.

That being said...

I am sure Florida will bring a whole new adventure. When I scrolled the website for our new community, I came across a list of social groups you could take part in. While I might be tempted to be part of the book club, garden club, rotary, bunko club ... um never mind, I have never really been a "club" sort of girl. Oh wait, maybe the Moms Club? Consisting of "a special group of women and children that coordinate play dates and activities to fill our days with a little less stress and a little more fun!"

The International MOMS Club® is an international non-profit organization aimed at providing support for mothers who have chosen to stay home and raise their children. They also have some members that work part-time. Founded in 2002, the MOMS Club® includes member moms of varying ages, with kids ranging from newborns up to school aged.

really?

So, off we are on our new adventure. Thank goodness for my husband. While I have always been independent, I can't imagine the road now without him.  I have high hopes for Florida. A place we will raise our kids and live happily ever after. Maybe without some of the featured social groups.

Kinda like the the booger Punks dug out of her nose this morning and wiped on my leg.  "ahhhh, boogie mama me" Life consists of the good, the bad, the boogie. 

Although I am hoping...

we have made a few friends who can vouch for us before they realize I blogged about them prematurely...

... just in case I do decide to join a featured social group
~SOS~

WEARIN HIS SIX-SHOOTER

Coming from Los Angeles, Punks is somewhat unaware of cowboys. Houston is packed full of them. Their ranches are somewhere out west and they are anxious to get back as soon as they take care of some business here in the city. We are working on her knowledge of Cowboys. Auntie K and Uncle Chris got her some pink boots for Christmas. Complete with a silver toe in case she really wants to get after it.

Punks and I went to the grocery store this morning.  "mama, mama, mama, oooooook" she points. There he was.  In true cowboy fashion.  Worn out Wranglers, sun faded shit kickers, Texas sized belt. He was missing only the lasso and the horse. He walked slowly past her, tipped his hat, a slight smile. She fell apart in giggles screaming "mamamamamama, mmeeeeee!"

And then he was gone. Through the sliding doors.
In search of whiskey, miss kitty, a place to hang his hat.

GRINCH

This year we are spending Christmas with my parents. My mom was just here about a month ago and Punks is still looking for her, in the bathtub, in the closet of the guest room as if I am hiding her somewhere. Punks will let out one of her high volume screams when she sees Nana again.  And we will see Papa who is the other half of Nana and thinks it hilarious to spoil the girls rotten as payback for me being a crazy wild child. 

The fall is my favorite time most wonderful time of the year and yet the kids' birthdays and Christmas Day quickly hit the top of the list as my least favorite. Your a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You really are a heel.  Why am I such a grinch?  your as cuddly as a cactus, your as charming as an eel. TOYS TOYS and MORE TOYS! And as all mom's of girls know, every damn thing is PINK. Punks' room already looks like barbie throw-up. you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch.  PINK PINK everywhere. ugh. These toys make me crazy not because they make obnoxious noises or because when I trip over them I almost break my ankle or at the very least acquire a new bruise or even because they leave puncture wounds in my feet. nope  It is the packaging and assembly of these horrendous things. you're a bad banana with a greasy black peel.

Lets start with the plastic casing. It is stuck together so tight you need some sort of sharp object to get it open. My husband likes to use his pocket knife which he uses to cut everything from snacks to mail and oh yeah, Punks' umbilical cord when she was born.  And if you have had five a few glasses of wine, the sharp plastic almost always draws blood. When the casing is finally pried away from the toy, you see your daughter's face light up with excitement as she reaches for her PINK toy, doll, noise maker, whatever.  But wait, there is more. There are wires holding this toy to the plastic! Are you effin' kidding me? DAMN! What jack*ss came up with this packaging idea?

You hand the toy to your child. "MAMA, MAMA!" ear deafening volume "WHAT!?!" your a monster, Mr. Grinch. your heart's an empty hole. She hands me the pieces. oh dear lord, there is more. It has to be assembled.  you're a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Grinch. There are directions, twisting, tightening and snapping pieces together and finally it is complete. whew.  

running time... 25 minutes

And then.... along will come Papa with another present to unwrap, plucked from the toy mountain under the tree. he will have a devious smile on his face. the instigator. here we go. again. round two. grrr.  I will give him my most nastiest look. your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch.

"MAMA, whats wrong?" "Nothing! No more presents for you!"   The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, stink, stank, stunk

 

where is that bottle of wine?
~SOS

BEBE IS POTTY TRAINED

Alert: potty training mode. Yes, we have entered the black hole and I am afraid of exactly when we may emerge, if ever on the other side.  This morning my toddler comes running, "bebe pooopoo!" and I go with her to the bathroom only to find the good news, bebe used the potty!  Still, although bebe apparently has it down, my toddler seems to be perfectly content in her diapers. She does the wiggle dance when she goes pee and informs me proudly when she poops, but she no desire to do this on the potty.  She will however, sit on her potty and make a "ssssssssshhhhhhhh" noise and pretend she is going potty. Then she takes exactly one panel of paper and wipes her pretend pee.  As I write this I have to get up and go myself (8.5 months pregnant) and this triggers the whole game.  "MAMA, poooopoooo" as she goes running towards her bathroom to pretend once again. This is great.  Who else wants to join the party?  We sit there for a few minutes with me encouraging her and she decides she is done. Of course, nothing.  So we put on a diaper and I start to walk away.  "MAMAMAMA!"  Now she has to wash her hands. What was I thinking walking away without the washing of the hands!?!

We have tried a few different approaches, such as reading books on her mini plastic throne in order to pass the time in hopes to get an accidental pee that could be rewarded with a treat, but this simply turned into our new book corner and her thinking it is hilarious to be able to read on the pot. I have also tried using her bathroom in hopes she would sit with me and we could do it together, but as I was bending over to help her join me, she thought it a better idea that mommy wear the potty seat as a hat. So, I am not sure what I am supposed to do next, but the good news is my mom visits in a few weeks and she is super mom. So, I will hand the torch to her in hopes she has some magical idea that will work. In the meantime, I am happy bebe goes on the potty.