SHE'S BACK

I am really sick of Miss Fairy. I know she is there. I can feel her evil snicker. That and Little K is drooling and chewing on everything. toys, furniture, me, Punks, the dog. oh and the fever. We have gone through so much Tylenol I am considering buying stock.  Don't judge.  I don't ordinarily drug my kids (usually I drug myself), but drastic times...

Yesterday, Little K and Punk's were playing with the disney princess dolls.  Punk's foot dangling over the side of the chair.  Little K must have thought it looked appealing and decided maybe Punk's big toe could be used instead of the teething ring in her hand. So, she crawled over and bit down. with her 2 teeth. Screams of pain at ear deafening decibels shot out of Punk's mouth. jumping around on one foot. arms flying in all directions. completed with the dramatic drop to the floor in exhaustion. You would have thought Little K chomped the toe right off.  After, a solid hour of whining, three very wet washcloths to wipe away the pain and a pack of princess bandaids, we somehow we managed to save the toe. It was a close one, but she still has all 5 on each foot.

later, Punks tells Little K, "no problem, my toe okay now" 

whew. we are all so glad.   

What seemed like an eternity after that, it was bedtime. I battled Punks about brushing her teeth before bed. Does it ever end? I am quickly growing weary of your games Miss Fairy. 

I tell her ONE story and then bed. she plucked Go the F*^K to Sleep out from under the coffee table. okayyy. appropriate. good choice Punks. 

If only she had listened to my words....
"it is time to sleep my little princess"
..... now, go the F^*K to sleep!
~SOS~

SHOO TOOTH FAIRY

The tooth fairy is one crazy bitch in my opinion. She has two personalities and one of them is straight up mean witch.  Maybe she was an outcast in fairy school. Maybe the other fairies are mean to her and don't invite her to tea. Whatever the reason, she needs therapy.

Yes, she brings treats to little gummied children as they lay sleeping in their bed. The only time, aside from Christmas Eve that children will go to sleep willingly.  For this, she gets a few points. Ohhh, the excitement of loosing a tooth. Children can hardly stand the waiting, with all the anticipation of what the good fairy will bring them.

However, when the mood strikes Miss Fairy, she turns ugly and you never even see it coming. I wish I knew what provoked her. Maybe I could bribe her with more teeth or some chocolate chip cookies. something. whatever she wants.

This morning the wicked fairy thought it funny to hit up Little K while she was nursing. All of the sudden Little K clamped down hard and started teething on me! YIKES  as I attempt to rip myself from her jaws. Little K just looked up at me like, "whats wrong, mama?" I could feel the snicker of the evil fairy.  Show your face fairy. I've got something for you.  A few hours later, she struck again. Little K was drooling and crying with a nice fever to accompany the pain in her tiny gums. Seriously Miss Fairy, just tell me what you want. A new dress? what? anything can be negotiated.

Nope, Miss Fairy is not a nice fairy. She gets her mean on when children are small only to redeem herself years later by bringing them treats in exchange for their little teeth. Which raises the age old question: what does she do with all those teeth? Everyone is happy. for a few years.  You almost forget about her.  maybe that is the problem? Then, wham. She shows up again with no warning wearing her evil grin. Coming out of nowhere trying to cram some more teeth in your already filled up mouth.  Calling them 'wisdom teeth'. Funny fairy. very freakin' funny fairy. hilarious.

Someone please hire a hit man fairy and let's take this bitch out.

~SOS~