WEARIN HIS SIX-SHOOTER

Coming from Los Angeles, Punks is somewhat unaware of cowboys. Houston is packed full of them. Their ranches are somewhere out west and they are anxious to get back as soon as they take care of some business here in the city. We are working on her knowledge of Cowboys. Auntie K and Uncle Chris got her some pink boots for Christmas. Complete with a silver toe in case she really wants to get after it.

Punks and I went to the grocery store this morning.  "mama, mama, mama, oooooook" she points. There he was.  In true cowboy fashion.  Worn out Wranglers, sun faded shit kickers, Texas sized belt. He was missing only the lasso and the horse. He walked slowly past her, tipped his hat, a slight smile. She fell apart in giggles screaming "mamamamamama, mmeeeeee!"

And then he was gone. Through the sliding doors.
In search of whiskey, miss kitty, a place to hang his hat.

TURBULENCE

There are two types of turbulence. One kind is when the airplane drops twenty feet, everyone gasps and looks around to make sure the plane is still in tact. The other is flying with two very small children. 2 months and 25 months. We are moving to Florida. Pit stop in Texas to spend Christmas with my family. Hubby had to drive Mister (our 100 pound yellow lab).  So, I was on my own with the girls, two car seats, a stroller and enough luggage for three weeks in tow.

GRINCH

This year we are spending Christmas with my parents. My mom was just here about a month ago and Punks is still looking for her, in the bathtub, in the closet of the guest room as if I am hiding her somewhere. Punks will let out one of her high volume screams when she sees Nana again.  And we will see Papa who is the other half of Nana and thinks it hilarious to spoil the girls rotten as payback for me being a crazy wild child. 

The fall is my favorite time most wonderful time of the year and yet the kids' birthdays and Christmas Day quickly hit the top of the list as my least favorite. Your a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You really are a heel.  Why am I such a grinch?  your as cuddly as a cactus, your as charming as an eel. TOYS TOYS and MORE TOYS! And as all mom's of girls know, every damn thing is PINK. Punks' room already looks like barbie throw-up. you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch.  PINK PINK everywhere. ugh. These toys make me crazy not because they make obnoxious noises or because when I trip over them I almost break my ankle or at the very least acquire a new bruise or even because they leave puncture wounds in my feet. nope  It is the packaging and assembly of these horrendous things. you're a bad banana with a greasy black peel.

Lets start with the plastic casing. It is stuck together so tight you need some sort of sharp object to get it open. My husband likes to use his pocket knife which he uses to cut everything from snacks to mail and oh yeah, Punks' umbilical cord when she was born.  And if you have had five a few glasses of wine, the sharp plastic almost always draws blood. When the casing is finally pried away from the toy, you see your daughter's face light up with excitement as she reaches for her PINK toy, doll, noise maker, whatever.  But wait, there is more. There are wires holding this toy to the plastic! Are you effin' kidding me? DAMN! What jack*ss came up with this packaging idea?

You hand the toy to your child. "MAMA, MAMA!" ear deafening volume "WHAT!?!" your a monster, Mr. Grinch. your heart's an empty hole. She hands me the pieces. oh dear lord, there is more. It has to be assembled.  you're a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Grinch. There are directions, twisting, tightening and snapping pieces together and finally it is complete. whew.  

running time... 25 minutes

And then.... along will come Papa with another present to unwrap, plucked from the toy mountain under the tree. he will have a devious smile on his face. the instigator. here we go. again. round two. grrr.  I will give him my most nastiest look. your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch.

"MAMA, whats wrong?" "Nothing! No more presents for you!"   The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, stink, stank, stunk

 

where is that bottle of wine?
~SOS

TEXAS GIRL

TO ALL MY HOUSTONIANS OUT THERE

Although I don't live there anymore and probably never will again, I still feel a great love for the city where I grew up. We get to spend Christmas there this year with my whole famn damily. Here are some of my favorite things: