THE END

One of my girls takes a bad tumble. I throw them both in the car and speed off to the Emergency Room, heart racing.  Swerving in and out of cars, I have to stop at a light.  I look up...

 

gawd. is someone warning me the apocalypse coming?  green light.  slam on the accelerator. another mile or so and another light.

 

I am totally panicked and the girls are screaming. Let me pull out my phone and jump online to hold my place at the ER. Hopefully someone who has a broken arm will not score a place in line in front of my daughter who is bleeding to death in the backseat of my car.

Both my girls are fine.

When I see these signs all over town I have to wonder. I am sure there is a perfectly good explanation and probably a genius idea behind them. However, maybe "they" should hire a better marketing team to clarify what that genius idea is exactly.

~SOS~

LOVE

You could ruin your child's future by not getting them into the correct preschool.  Research the schools when your pregnant so you can start plunking down your deposits while they are still in the womb.  That way when your child speaks 3 languages and reads before age 2, you can brag that your little Johnny goes to the primo preschool down the road.

Know the parents I am speaking of?

I took Punks to the Playstation the other day to run out some energy.  We are new to the area and I asked a pair of moms about the good preschools in town. GASP!!  They stared silently at me with their completely horrified faces.  Your toddler has not attended preschool yet??  You haven't secured her a spot for the fall yet?!?  You would have thought I just told them I let my child watch more than one hour of television per day. Oh, wait.  I guess they decided to save my daughter from her incompetent mother because when they regained consciousness I was totally bombarded with rules, regulations and deadlines about getting my child into a good preschool now so that I don't completely ruin her future. I wanted to run for the slide tunnels and crawl in after Punks to hide from them.

I just haven't seen the need to send Punks to preschool just yet.  She is learning her colors, numbers and all of the things a 2 year old should know just fine.  However, now it is time. She needs some structure in a bad way. She needs time away from mommy to spread her wings. Okay, that was a bit fluffy. She needs to learn to sit in a chair and wait her turn to talk among other little humans her age.

We visited our first school the other day. When I walked in I was attacked with facts and figures and must dos and donts and everything in between. If my head wasn't securely attached to my body it would have spun off and landed on the table that held more "educational games" than you have ever seen.  All for sale. All with an absurd price tag. We are talking about plastic toys here people.  You want your child to succeed don't you? Well, then you must buy this $95 bag of blocks.

This preschool fad is out of control.  As much as I think it is necessary for a child to attend school starting about age 3 for social reasons, I am truly annoyed at the madness surrounding the preschool competition.  Too many parents are obsessed with their children being the best at everything. Sadly enough at their child's expense.

But me being annoyed doesn't matter because here I sit. Researching preschools in the area in order not to ruin my childrens' future.  I wonder if preschools have a PTA.  I have always wanted to be a PTA mom....

 

~SOS~

CALLING MR DUCK

Never take your eyes off of a 2 year old.  Punks can get into trouble in less than five seconds if she thinks nobody is looking. A few weeks ago I caught her drawing on the dog with pink highlighter. "Please don't draw on the dog" The Master Bedroom wall. "Punks! Don't draw on walls!" Then it was the chair in the playroom. "paper, paper paper! we draw on paper!" So, yesterday she draws on paper AND herself. This time with permanent marker.

why do small children like to draw on everything?

My little sister used to do that too. We had pretty scribbles all over the house.  On the walls. On the backs of doors. on tables, chairs.  She drew a flower and a heart on our wallpaper in the bathroom one day.  My mother was so mad. Yeah, so mad she didn't change the wall paper until this year.

so, how do you remove permanent marker?
wait it out?
a few friends made some suggestions
my favorite was to color it in like a tattoo
she could match her daddy

while I am thinking on this one, I tell her lets go outside for a few minutes
she grabs her sunglasses and her phone
wonder where she learned that...

"mama, I ha ha call duck"
she is calling duck?
"Punks, are you calling duck on the phone?"
"MAMA, ssshhhhhhhhh, I ha ha call duck!!"
"hi duck. come wi wi me in wimming pool"
"honey, ducks can't swim in swimming pools. they swim in lakes"
"MAMA, shhhhhhhh I talking to duck!!"
she shoots me an exasperated look

okay............

and...

If your wondering about the cute tank, you can find her on facebook, "Kara Made It"
All clothing is made with lots of love and apparently lots of sass

~SOS~

NAKED YOGA

While in class the other day I hear a few ladies talking about "naked yoga" 
Say what?
Apparently it is the new trend.
Maybe not so new in Greece? Brazil?

The images flood my head...
standing bow
downward dog
happy baby pose

just to name a few...

Where would you position yourself in the room??
front row?
back row?
middle?
depends on why your there?

When I get home I Google
OMG my eyes!
on my computer!
on the internet for everyone to see!

Who are these people?
Unfortunately, our imperfections become more magnified with age.
I certainly would not do naked yoga...
....some of these people are much older than me

I know it is the Yogi way to find peace in your mind, body and soul
not sure that I will ever find that much "peace" with my aging body
does that make me vain?
even so...

Punks walks in and I slam the top down on my computer
but I forgot to close the page... 

a few hours later...

The girls are playing in Little K's crib
I peek in on them
both are naked
and Punks...
is attempting to stand on her head

apparently Punks is a fan of naked yoga

me?

I think I will stick to Bikram Yoga
while the clothes are tiny, they still cover the parts that need covering...
~SOS~ 

POWER MOBILITY

While watching late night tv last night there was a commercial that caught my attention. I sat straight up in bed. Eyes glued to the tv.

"Imagine going where you want..." 
really? that would be nice. ummm... to the mall? to paint my toes?  to a book store? can I get a coffee and sit down somewhere besides the children's section and read for a while?

"when you want..."
what about naps and bedtimes? feedings and snacks? I am not sure....  I'm not particularly fond of meltdowns.

"independently..."
stop. by myself? without one strapped to my front and the other hanging off my back or out of the cart grabbing at everything.  who will I talk to?  I am not sure if I know how to do by myself anymore.

"If you feel your limited mobility is keeping you from living life the way you want, then here's good news..."

uh huh, uh huh..... great! lets hear it!

a chair?

well, it is motorized....

hmmmmmm........

I could roll through the house.  No more puncture wounds to my feet from make believe food and puzzle pieces. No more tripping over balls and dolls left out in the floor. No more bruises from walkers, miniature tables, chairs and stools. I could bulldoze through it all.  My legs could be bruise and scrape free. My feet cut free.

wow.

I could have power mobility.
~SOS~

CRAT

A friend of mine was talking about Oprah the other day at the park. Apparently Oprah was quizzing Chris Rock about what grade he would get as a parent. It got me thinking... how would my kids grade me?

Here is what I came up with...

Love: A++

I honestly didn't know I was capable of feeling the type of love I have for my babies. It is the most incredible kind of love.

Worry: A++
For someone who used to get 8 hours of sleep EVERY night, I don't know how I even function. Between them waking me up for whatever reason and me tip toeing in every few hours to make sure they are still breathing, I hardly sleep at all.  It is no wonder I can't connect my thoughts, I lose everything and do lame brained things like find my keys in the microwave. I would typically blame something like this on Punks except she can't reach the microwave. huh.

FUN: A+
Although it is not all fun and games we do have a good time.  Mommy wears potty seats as hats, we feed ducks, swim, go to the park, chase the dog in the house watch him slide across the floor and fall apart in giggles, swim, play dress up, sing, dance, use beds as trampolines, you know... whatever moms do.   

Role Model: A- 
Children never listen to what you say, but they always mimic what you do. I believe I am a good role model for my kids... until something like this happens...

"MAMA MEE WANT BEBE PLEASSSS" at least we have the manners down
No, you have to many already. Play with what you have  
scream. punch. spin. spin. spin. fall down. "crat"
huh.
note to self: stop cursing  

Discipline: B

We are working on sharing. We are working on tantrums. We are working on hitting. We are working on sass mouth. We are working on launching things at little sister's head. My family used to joke that I would have my kids lined up like soldiers. Soooo didn't happen that way.

Patience: B
I think I do pretty well with this considering...
This was our morning: 
"Punks, don't throw stuff in your sister's play yard"
tosses in a microphone
sit in time out
"don't throw things in the play yard." waving the microphone at her 
tosses in a rattle.
sit in time out
"NO MAMA!"
"don't tell mama no"
sticks out her tongue 
sit in time out
breaks off a toy from the walker. tosses it in play yard
sit in time out 
did you break this? "yeah"
"don't throw things in your sister's play yard"
tosses in a bebe doll
repeat. repeat. repeat. 

...and then there is the morning ritual of getting dressed

Domestic: C-

Cook? does microwaving count? Bake? nope. Sew? nope. Iron? dry cleaners. Clean? only cause I have to.  I was invited to play Bunko the other day. I had to call my mom and ask her what the heck Bunko even was...   Can I pick up some extra credit somewhere else?

So, I am gonna give myself an overall B+.  Mathematically incorrect, but it seems to me that Love and Fun carry a heavier weight than the rest. I could do without the constant worry, but I think that comes with the package.

Is it 5:00 yet?

~SOS~